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Autobiography of Alice A. Bailey - Chapter IV
It seemed reasonable to me that, "As a man soweth so shall he also reap," and it was a joy to me to discover [142] that I could call in St. Paul and Christ, Himself, to substantiate these teachings. Clear light was being thrown on the old theology. I was discovering that the only thing that was wrong was man-made interpretations of the truth and it dawned on me how silly it was just because some learned preacher or scholar said that God meant this or that that we should accept it. He might be right and if so, intuitively one would know it; but the intuition does not work unless the mind is developed and that has been a lot of the trouble. The mass of the people do not think and the orthodox theologian, no matter what he says, can always get a following. With the best intentions in the world he exploits the unthinking. It dawned on me, too, that there was really no reason because a priest or teacher six hundred years ago interpreted the Bible in one way (probably suitable for his time and age) that it should be acceptable now in a different time and age, under a different civilization and with widely different problems. If God's truth is truth then it will be expansive and inclusive, and not reactionary and exclusive. If God is God, then His divinity will adapt itself to the emerging divinity of the sons of God, and a son of God today may be a very different expression of divinity from a son of God five thousand years ago. You will see, therefore, how my whole spiritual horizon was opening up. There was light in the heavens and I was no longer an isolated, deserted, struggling disciple, sure of nothing and with nothing to do as far as I could see. It was slowly dawning on me that I was one of a great company of brothers. It was becoming clear to me that I could cooperate with the Plan if I wanted to, find those who in other lives had worked with me, see to it that what I sowed was good and find my place in Christ's work. I could endeavor to approach a little closer to that spiritual Hierarchy [143] which I had always subconsciously known existed, and which seemed to need workers. These were the things that were being gradually unfolded in my consciousness in 1916 and 1917. They did not emerge as clear-cut, formulated ideas but as truths which I was slowly recognizing, to which I was making gradual adjustments and for which I had to find application. I watched my own life. I studied the three girls in this connection and I found it most illuminating. I found that my karma with my youngest daughter, Ellison, is largely physical. I had saved her life with the most assiduous care year after year. For eight years she slept with me, by the doctor's orders, so she could absorb my vitality. Day after day by careful watching, by never permitting her to take violent exercise, or climb a hill, or walk up stairs I conquered the heart trouble until today she is the strongest member of the family. Ellison shows no sign of needing me now. She is happily married, lives in India and has two children. I am sure she is proud of me, but our relationship lies in the past. The link between my eldest daughter and me is exceedingly close, which is probably why we have such God-awful rows. There is a very strong inner attachment and though I see little of her now I am sure of her and she is sure of me. My second daughter, Mildred, has a very close karma with me. We are peculiarly attached and yet I know she feels entirely free. Even though she has been twice married, we have always been together under the most peculiar circumstances and I have been grateful for her love and above all for her friendship. It would be so good if mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, valued friendship in their relations more than they do. I am confident that if I could look back into our past relationships under the Law of Rebirth, the present really happy situation between my three girls and myself would be clearly [144] explained. Do not infer from this that we always get on. There have been stormy scenes and misunderstandings. They have not always understood me, and I have often agonized over them, and wanted to change things, and hoped they would act differently, etc., etc. It was towards the close of 1917 that Walter Evans went out with the Y.M.C.A., to France and my friend, the Bishop, arranged that I should have an allotment of one hundred dollars a month from his salary. This was sent direct to me by the Y.M.C.A., until his work with them ceased. This, with my own small income (which was beginning to dribble through more regularly) enabled me to drop my work as a sardine packer and make other plans. My work with the Theosophical Lodge in Pacific Grove was having results and I was beginning to get a little bit known as a student. It was suggested to me that in view of the fact that my finances were somewhat stabilized I go down to Hollywood where the headquarters of the Theosophical Society, at Krotona, were to be found. I decided to make the move and towards the end of 1917 we went down. I found a small house, close to the T.S. headquarters, and I settled there with the children, in a cottage on Beechwood Drive. Hollywood was relatively unspoiled in those days. The movie industry was, of course, the major industry, but the town remained at that time quite simple. The main streets were all lined with pepper trees and there was not the breathlessness, the mad rush, the brittle brilliancy and the glare of modern Hollywood today. It was then a gentler and sweeter place. I would like to go on record of the lasting impression which I carried away when I left the town, of the soundness, the kindness, the expansiveness and the understanding of the leading movie people. I have met many of the movie people and they are grand and [145] human folk. Of course there is a bad element but I would like to know in what section of human society you will not find a bad element? There are evil people in all groups and communities and sets and organizations. There are outstandingly good people also and people of a dead level mediocrity who have not enough development to be either very good or very bad.
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